The Only Way Is Essex?

In the beginning, God created man.

I'm starting to believe that he shouldn't of bothered.

Now now Louis, lets not be unfair, you should watch an episode first. So I did. Before writing up about TOWIE and all it's glamour and glory, I thought I should probably watch one episode from beginning to end to try and understand its deep underlying meaning within (insert sarcasm here).


I'm not really sure what to say, or even how to comprehend it. Are there lots of people like this? If so how many? Are they infecting the minds of our impressionable youth? If the answers are "yes, lots, and SHUT UP!" Then please, do the honour of passing me the sawn off shotgun along with a bag to put on my head.

I get the impression that often in this programme, the idea is that they are having conversations about real issues in their lives, except in completely set up situations. It really is one of the most surreal things I've yet to behold. Does the director call cut and take more than one shot on what are supposed to be naturally occurring conversations? It's the biggest headfuck I've experienced. I just don't get it.

Furthermore, the stupidity displayed by these "people" is unbounded.

"I can't tell the time"

"I can't imagine being locked up in prison for like, 20 odd hours a day"

These are commonplace sentences that are lavishly blurted out in TOWIE. Oh and for the record Sam, (if that is even your real name) there are 24 hours in a day, and prisoners happen to be locked up for that entire time. It's like they are living in a giant bubble that's forever floating away from reality and humanity. Or living in a giant dome like the Truman show.

That's it. I've got it. It's The Truman Show. Except it's really shit.